Why Suffering Is Optional

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.            - Haruki Murakami 

We all experience pain from time to time. The cause and intensity of pain for each person can vary, but it is an inevitable part of being human. There’s no escaping that. 

In my life, anxiety is the main cause of my pain. The tension and tightness that I feel in my body when I am anxious or stressed are overwhelming. Now, while I cannot avoid this pain, I can certainly avoid the suffering.

Where does this suffering start?

When I experience a certain intrusive thought, I feel distressed. There is a natural physical component to this anxiety - the tightness and agitation in the body. However, I go into a fixer role, where I try to fix or solve the anxious thought instead of leaving it alone - just feeling the pain. 

This is where unnecessary suffering starts. One thought builds on the other, and before I know it, I feel fully drained out. And so, I end up creating and living in my own reality. These thoughts can look like - “I can’t handle this”, “Why is this happening”, “How much longer do I have to suffer”. Instead of just being with the source of anxiety, I add fuel to the fire that was already there.

We tend to do this even during extremely happy moments. When I know that the girl I like is showing signs of interest, I am already thinking about my future with her. Here, again, I create stories and live in a reality of my own doing. 

Although this can seem like a natural response, we must decide whether it is worthwhile. 

What I can choose to do...

While I face anxiety, I can instead just deal with the pain that comes initially, and gradually redirect my focus to the present moment. With the girl I like, looking at our current situation objectively will give me more clarity as to what my next best step is.

This is a sign of growth and progress. 

Instead of creating realities of our own, we can learn to accept and experience life for what it is. This way we have more peace of mind and can make the most of our lives. 

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